Lalli Dreams of Naked People

Lalli rolls over in his sleep. Naked. He’s sleeping naked. He scratches himself. Everywhere.
But suddenly, somehow, he finds himself in an empty bar. He’s playing his lute and every time he plays a note a person appears and then as the sound fades the person disappears. Strange, but not altogether unlikely and so he’s unsure if it’s a dream.
He plays around with lute and various people appear and disappear, some from his past who were Men. Capital M. He looked up to them. He think to himself ‘ I’d like to be like those Manly Men’. An ObiwanKeYoda voice comes down through the ceiling and prompts Lalli to find out how to be a Man.
‘I gotta get out of this bar!!’ Lalli exclaims.
Lalli heads outside into a mist. He walks towards a bright light in the distance until he finds an intimidating shadow. He questions the state of intimidating-ness until he’s satisfied that he is weirded out more than scared….
He figures he should probably fight the figure (to be Manly) and greets it. The figure asks him some questions, mostly about ‘who are you’ and other existentialist questions. Lalli gives him a background story but the figure is unimpressed… it’s not about his past, it should be about his future.
Lalli’s not sure what it is he should be doing apart from following Bert Cumberpatch’s instructions. After some more questioning Lalli realises that what he really wants to do is to Fuck Things Up. Including Wenches.
The shadowy figure admits that yes, the Great Lute of Poontang would indeed help Lalli achieve his goal.
‘Whoah! Is that REAL?!” Lalli’s eyes light up.
‘It’s real, and it can be found where this horse takes you…..’ (whoosh!) a slightly devilish steed appears. It’s actually a NightMare, looks slightly insane and firey. The shadowy figure picks Lalli up (Lalli wriggles amusingly) and places him on the NightMare’s back.
The NightMare takes off, making the mist catch on fire behind them. Lalli uses his powerful thigh muscles to stay on. The suddenly appear out of the mist, and it’s now dark. Riding up a valley he realises it looks very similar to the valley they had just been riding up in the real world. He rides up the first valley and Lalli is a little confused…. he rides into the second valley, and onto the glacier… the glacier melts in the presence of the Night Mare leaving a trail of steam behind them. He continues out through the valley where the rebel camp is, and out through the other side. The NightMare reaches the valley and throws him off his back.
It’s pitch black and once the NightMare disappears he can see the stars. Oooh pretty.
On the other side of a big lake is a big black castle. The lake acts like a moat, and the water is pitch black with steam and bubbles… bubbling. Lalli takes out his sword and dips it into the lake, and as he pulls it up out of the water it droops like it’s all melted. ‘Ahh! ‘ he shakes it out so it’s mostly straight again.
He looks around for some stones or a bridge or somesuch and sees a drawbridge and tower. He approaches cautiously. Adamant on the cautious-ness.
There’s ten or so big mushroom shaped stones out to the gatehouse which he navigates with ease. The front doors of the gatehouse are hanging off their hinges, and so Lalli enters and out the other side onto a very rickety ‘pre-steamed’ drawbridge.
He gets across ok and reaches a big tower on the other side and he tries to open the door but it’s firmed closely. Not wait. It’s closed firmly. He kicks the door and he cries out in pain, and as he does Tanith appears.
‘Err… where I am I? And why don’t you have any clothes on?’
“Never mind that! I’m pretty sure you’re in this dream so that you can pick this door! Pick it!”
Tanith glares. “ I have no clothes!! Where do you think my lock picking kit is kept?”
She goes back to the previous tower where apparently Lalli had seen her clothes, and comes back to successfully pick the lock.
They enter the tower and there’s a set of curved stairs leading upwards. They decide to start walking up the tower’s stairs. Beams of light pierce the darkness, and when they reach the next platform they see there are no longer any stairs leading upwards, although there once were.
Lalli decides to climb the holes in the stone where the stairs used to be, and comes up against a trapdoor which is closed. He headbutts the trapdoor and it opens most of the way making room for him to climb through.
Its an old Alchemist’s Laboratory with lots of glass tubes, and paraphernalia. He doesn’t understand why he knows it, but he knows that it’s materials to turn urine and lead into gold. Yep. So desu. Lalli pisses into a flask, and he watches it flow through pipes and tubes and bubbling flasks until it turns into a weird pink crystal at the end. He smells it. He tries to get Tanith to eat it, but she refuses.
Anyway… most interesting is a lute hanging on the wall. It has amazing harmonics and he knows it would be powerful.
He reaches towards it, …. and wakes up. He notices that his scimitar is hot and a bit wobbly, and also that he’s pissed himself.



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